Monday, March 14, 2011

pink raincoats and chocolate mint icecream.

The most beautiful lady and thats exactly what she was. A lady. Was and always will be my Grandmother. To me she was Nanny. Thats what I called her. She loved me and I loved her. It was simple and beautiful and in our own way although sometimes we only visited sparingly we always had our special bond. I always wanted to be just like her. I remember that. I remember being 4 years old and feeling so priveledged to to open up my birthday gifts and get a bright pink rain jacket exactly like the one she wore only it was just my size. I remember how she never failed to have york peppermint patties in her purse to hand out to wanting little fingers. I remember how she would sing us silly songs and dance around our kitchen. I remember how she loved with all her heart. I remember how she made the best tacos and green beans. I also remember the darker days. When a tradgedy hit. She got alzheimers. I firmly believe its the worst thing that can happen to a person. I watched my vibrant sweet grandmother lose her memories. Lose her personality. Lose her agency. She lost almost everything that was dear to her. But she would always have me, and she would always have my family. The summer I moved in to help take care of her was one of the best and toughest year and a half of my life. Alzheimers is a speedy disease once it decides to take its course. I watched her regress. She started off with small things. She couldnt change the channel on her tv anymore. She couldnt fix her own meals. Then it turned into we had to feed her meals to her and dress her and help her bathe. We went to the same resturaunt every week and ate the same things. She was ask me the same things over and over. She became my world. She was my best friend. Eventually it was too much and she had to move to a nursing home. At this time I wasnt living at home anymore. I hadnt seen her in about 2 months when I get a call from my Mommy telling me It wasn't going to be much longer and I needed to come visit. I remember the feeling I had riding to the nursing home with mark in the drivers seat next to me. I was numb. I walked into the room feeling like everything was surreal. When I went around the curtain and saw what I saw I wanted to run. This wasnt my Nanny. This frail. Thin. Helpless little woman was not the lady that had been such a part of my life. Such an example and strong point. She didnt even look the same. I cried and cried. I held her hand and played with her hair for an hour. I cried tears of joys when she still went through great pains to drink dr. pepper the soda we both love. Alzheimers hurts. She forgot who we were, but I know deep down she never really forgot. When I held her hand that last time and she squeezed it back I knew she knew who I was. She looked me straight in the eyes and she smiled and I know she knew me. She still loved me and she always will. I think about her often and I wear her ring everyday as a reminder that I will see her again one day. Our love and understanding for each other will never die.

Miriam Joyce Evans. <3 oh how i love you.

 This a song that I revised called "The Best Day" I sang it at my Nannys funeral. The words are especially for her. Its hard to even type it with out crying. Geez.

Im 5 years old. Its getting cold I've got my big coat on.
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at ya I run and run.
Past the pumpkin patch and tractor rides look now. the sky is gold. I hug your legs and fall asleep. on the way home.
I dont know why all the trees change in the fall. I know youre not scared of anything at all.
Don't know if Snow Whites house is near or far away.
But I know I had the best days. with you. Always.
I'm 19 now and don't know how life can be so mean.
I'd come home crying and we'd listen to Elvis and eat icecream.
and we'd drive and drive until we found a town far enough away.
and we'd talk and window shop til i forgot. all my pain.
I still dont what I'm gonna do.
but I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you.
Dont know how long its going to take to feel okay but i know i had the best days with you.
I have a Heavenly Father. His strength is making me stronger.
God smiles on my grandmother inside and out she's better than I am.
I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run and I. had. the best days with you.
There is picture that I found from back when I was 3. We're in the kitchen and youre eating peppermint patties with me.
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the 7 dwarves. Poppys smart and youre the prettiest lady in ....the whole wide world.... <3
Now I know why all the trees change in the fall. I know you were on my side. Even when I was wrong. And I love you for giving me your eyes. For staying back and watching me shine. and I didnt know if you knew so I'm taking this chance to say. that I had the best days with you...

                                                              Always. <3

here comes the water works. thanks for reading this piece of my heart.

No comments:

Post a Comment